The Top 10 Things About Me My Next Girlfriend Should Know
(Unveiling the 10 Mighty Powers to Empower Our Relationship – whahahaha!)
There are really just times that I become a boy in the beach who wanted to fit the ocean in his pail.
And somehow someway I miss missing someone.
So this rolling out the red carpet for my future next romance must really be exciting!
Let’s just call this my way of leveraging on the law of attraction to create one of the deepest dreams implanted in me.
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Open Sesame!!!
Tadaaah!
1. Know thyself! – The power of beliefs!
If you are looking for a relationship, read on.If you’re looking for a fling, read aloud: SORRY, WRONG PERSON.
I put this first in the list for a BIG BIG reason.
I just realized that no matter how you try to make everything working for the two of you, things won’t simply just work out as planned if you’re doing it with the ‘wrong’ person, or at least with a person not with the right mindset.
What do I exactly mean?
If you’re the one afraid of commitment, then still enjoy being single. That’s an awesome life-phase of self-discovery (and self-stupidity).
Take more time of your life reflecting, and feel the cool sense being accountable.
If you’re brokenhearted, and still attached to past hurts and afraid of being hurt again, have some inner-healing first. Six-month rule is a practical one to follow.
If you’re hanging onto a dead-end relationship hopeless for marriage and thinks of me as your tactical run off, recognize that you don’t really need me to build you life again. (Now is a perfect timing.)
If you’re afraid of rejection, believe that being in a relationship exposes you to even more rejection.
If you at present have low self-worth and thinks being with me would be your greatest asset, well you’re absolutely right (HAHA!), but I’d still beg you not to do it that way – you’re far more wonderful than you think even without me.
I’m not saying you must stand perfect before me, (because I’m not either) but be a person ready enough for the journey you wish to enter. And that’s tantamount to being whole for yourself at the least.
Entering a relationship still broken hoping it would fix your busted world and solve all your sufferings will only magnify the brokenness in you, and I don’t want you to go through that torturing phase.
Clarity is power, and unless you are clear with your intentions, both our time will become a precious asset wasted. I need you to help yourself first before I get the chance to help myself love you.
So please don’t play with my heart darling, and with yours too.
If it's a joke, then I can never get it. Let it end. Don’t even bother to start.
Toinkz!
2. Let’s go and let go! - The power of giving!
The Philippine hit movie One More Chance starring Bea-John Lloyd tandem has a bunch of quotable one liners. But before the exchange between the two became the highlight, there’s this one -liner that would always ring the bell for me:
Basya: Ganyan ba talaga ang tingin mo popoy?
This is where all the complications and endings begin.
And this is where we should start – from the fact that I’m a man and you’re a woman,
understanding that we are inherently different in many things, especially in how we need to experience this thingy.
You know it - we men commonly desire more independence, we’re problem-solvers more than listeners, and we robustly resist being controlled. Women on the other hand generally possess deep desires for relational connections, a sense of community, and a desire for harmony and belonging.
At times I can be too aloof, distant, too cold, or too independent., while you can be overly sensitive or reactive, insecure and demanding.
I can go on with this telegraphic list, but the point is we definitely have these differences even before we meet each other.
This is quite a looooooooooooooong story to tell, but I don’t have enough space here to dig deeply into that so I’ll cut it short.
When I say “I don’t want to talk to you right now”, realize that it has nothing to do with how I would want to treat you, more so with how I love you.
When I beg “baby, I want some space for now”, recognize that it has really nothing to do with whether I would like you to be beside me or not.
This may sound very ironic, and even appears very unfair, keeping you waiting for something that may not be worth your wait.
If you find this difficult to digest, then I suggest you simply translate it to something like this:
Hearing phrases like those, temporarily remove your sensitive ego, then tell yourself,
“Okay, omen seems bothered right now. And because he doesn’t want to unintentionally hurt me through his confusing reactions, I’ll grant his request, give the very short time he wanted, wait for him and later welcome him when he gets back and open up. (Don’t worry coz I’m sure he’ll do that.)
And please don’t forget to give him a hug when he finally decided to do so. He surely misses you a lot by then, and would love to hear stories you had during the time you’re not together.
My point is we guys were created that way. And you were also gifted with your own ways.
This is definitely one of the best lessons I had in my life; and I learned this the hard way.
So what to do with this?
One word.
COMPROMISE.
I can’t emphasize this enough.
From there, we can bridge those differences. The whole point is taking these sources of conflict to our advantage.
Wheee!
3. I’m against capital punishment under normal circumstances. But not for those who decide to enter a relationship yet still sees him/herself as a separate creation. The power of commitment!
I’ll be forever an advocate of LOVE UNTIL IT HURTS.I like romantic relationships because it’s the only realm where risks can never be calculated,.. and avoided.
Think with me this way – We should be ready enough to realize that the moment we decide to be in a relationship from a state of singleness, is the same exact point we decide and commit to no longer just think of our individual selves.
What does that mean?
Well, it’s that while we should not make each other our only world, that fact must be a consistent reminder that it’s no longer only you thinking about yourself.
Die-hard heartbroken will crucify me with this but I’ll still say this bluntly: Love with your ALL.
If you can give 200%, then that’s better.
You’d often hear advises from members of the HFFC (Heartbroken Forever Fans Club) to reserve some for yourself just in case things won’t work out as planned.
You see, they say just in case. And so it really becomes the case for them.
And here’s my theory why.
Because from the very start, they have already though about it, and reserved some energy for that thought. Throughout the relation, whenever the shallowest arguments begin to surface, they tell themselves subconsciously, “It’s okay if we split up. I’m ready for it”. They never hear themselves talking this way, but the subconscious self kick in this idea all the time.
In the end, they eventually attracted and created a real picture of it, and renew their membership to the club. They blurt out to the world “I lost nothing”, when in fact they just lost a potential ideal marriage had they not reserved a little for their selfish security.
The other party might have hurt more, but guess what – he has nothing to regret with anything he’s done. He has just loved ALLly, which is our very own nature.
Remember, loving someone entails opening your heart to them with a risk of hurting it. Just be selective and discerning in choosing whom to open your heart with.
But if I can do nothing to change your thoughts on this, I won’t stop you though.
Go ahead to all its proponents, enter their headquarters and feel the incomplete love they are just willing to give.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not saying that you follow every word I say, nor sacrifice everything you have to make things happen for me. That’s totally absurd.
I just feel that a 100% full-blown all-out love can give you more better things than the pain and hurt you’re afraid to face again. So this is really still for you.
In this way, we’ll not just love each other because of the good coverings we initially saw, nor because of the sparkling romance that made us both blinded during the early stage of any relationship and made us ignore the dark limelight in our characters.
The love is more than an oh-dear-i-like-you-and-you-like-me-too-so-let’s-start-our-life-together-now.
It’s now empowered with a committed decision, a vow that no matter what, you’ll be there for the other.
And since this kind of love no longer comes from feelings, which are almost always transitory and simply come and go, whatever we share together would last until the end.
BOTOM LINE: Let’s create love, not make business.
4. I love surprises. But I’d love privacy and intimacy more.
The power of nourish and cherish!Intimacy is the natural desired destination of human heart, as an author puts it.
But the journey to it is much easier said than done. It takes so much efforts from both of us.
So if you plan to make surprises, forget it, blow it gently into the air, and just make one for some bonding time for us. I’d like it more to spend my special days even with just my special one. That’s it enough and that can always be.
Let me be the one to do surprises work for you later on.
Just be aware of my non-negotiable-no-questions-asked-problem-solvers-for negotiable-quarrels list.
A coffee talk in a morning
Travel/Adventure!
Fruits!
Magtanim!
Let’s go jogging/biking!
Jokes-cracking sessions!
These are the means by which you can pull me back just in case I decided to be distant from you.
Whahaha!
Favorite ko ang pagtatanim! J
Honestly, I would want you not to be just my lover. The world is too big for that.
I like you also to be my co-farmer in my planting activity, my co-investor in my stock market activity, my co-partner in my business activity, my (fill here)-partner in my (fill here)activity, ;p
More as a player than a lover. Whaha.
Lastly, let’s always make time for celebrations!
And I mean celebrations to cover not only the highlights but also the downfalls.
Failures are after all also blessings in disguise. In the long run, all of them would be the subject of our non-stop hilarious and uproarious laughter in the future. Phew!
5. Speak up your dreams, not your fears – the power of words.
I agree that girls’ ESP is much better than boys’ craziest minds. They definitely have stronger gut feelings than boys.
So if your gut tells you something is wrong, chances are something must be wrong. But this doesn’t mean say every wrong you see.
We all evaluate people based on what we receive from them, but we men most of the times do it logically.
We’ve got this tendency of accepting things more as facts than as a way of emotional expression ( and outbursts).
When a woman blurts out “Let’s end this! I’m tired”, a man accepts it as is, word by word, (and he might hang on it till death) not realizing his lady just wanted the assurance she used to feel from him.
Most of the times we men fail to see the deeper messages behind their “rants and complaints.”
And the worse thing is that at these times when we feel we’re “challenged illogically”, we easily get out of control and the pride makes its grand entrance in the picture.
End result – a final situation where both are puzzled on what had actually caused it.
Let me give some sample advices to make it more practical for you.
Transform your “You no longer have time for me” into “ Let’s catch up this time!”.
Say “You love me so much” instead of “You’re becoming too jealous”,
“Let’s break up!” into “Let’s break through!”.
The whole strategy is to remind the man of the goals, and not to pinpoint in his very face that there something problematic with him.
Time to clarify. This is not to cover up his shortcomings. Everyone should be aware with our weaknesses. But timing plays a big role not only in the stock market.
Q: So when is the perfect time to open up everything with him?
A: It’s when he’s ready, and that’s when he’s happy.
You must seldom confront your man when he’s really not prepared. Believe me, it would almost always just make things worse. Have the patience to wait for him to come out of his cave before throwing all your concerns that make you appear indiscernible.
(And maybe that time you’d realize the problem really lies in you, toinkz!)
Communication is an important part of any relationship. But do remember than communication is not just about getting your point across; it’s also listening to what the other person has to say.
Pride makes the whole thing a lot more exciting, knowing one or the other will have to give up to give way for love.
BOTTOMLINE: Let’s both be extra careful what comes from our mouth - Word becomes flesh.
6. Let’s guard each other – the power of discipline and control!
For its first part, let’s be aware that we both have the responsibility to tell each other that we were offended because of other’s actions (or inactions) - that trust was broken, felt disrespected, etc.
This step provides avenue for us to improve on ourselves and maybe also to remove the benefit of the doubt that the other person did not know that an offense was made.
Relationships should always be this dynamic. Anything that is not growing is dying.
I’ve seen many times how a woman suddenly becomes an active volcano from being a dormant one for a very long time, only to realize that small mistakes of the past had already piled up and exploded in one single kaboom.
The effect – an instant transformation that were surprising for both.
I for my part wouldn't be able to do the appropriate next action if I am not aware that an injustice was done.
And in its worst case, expect me to admit the mistake and no go to the resort of giving you my series of alibis and excuses.
But please, let me know, okay?
Secondly, throughout the relationship, especially when it’s been hanging there for so long, enticement to “go all the way” becomes a stressful pressure in the air teasing us everywhere in every possible way.
There’s nothing wrong with having this fierce current of emotions flowing through our emotional network. After all, God should have His reasons in putting all those hormones inside our body. But losing control of this is a problem. And solving this type of dilemma requires effort from both of us.
It’s just difficult to think straight if these active molecules flow abundantly in our veins.
I learned that a woman typically needs 8 touches/kisses to make her feel balanced, but let’s both agree not to exchange our long term goals and dreams with pursuit of short term pleasure.
Lastly, let’s guard each other on the words that come from us.
If you think of it, words were the primary ones responsible for bringing us closer.
Instinctively, the same power of words can break anything we have.
I also experienced this before, and it taught me not to make a decision or say anything when angry or at my emotional peak, or to believe a word a person in such a situation says.
7. Let’s honor each other. – the power of humility!
This is the very least thing we can do to make all we have last a lifetime.
Love alone will never be enough. No need to prove this.
You might have already heard many stories starring partners who had been in a relationship so strong but suddenly turned into something like “I fell-out-of-love” scenario.
What was once an epitome an everlasting love in the eyes of the public surprised the entire campus with their never-predicted break-up, becoming like strangers with each other.
Love spark is really meant to fade to give way to the real fire of it.
And at these tough times when its initial magical power becomes futile and in vain for whatever reason, the gigantic role of the act of honor should always come to the rescue. This is synonymous to observing our boundaries on which we need to agree.
Here's a suggestion I found somewhere.
“I don’t like where this argument goes..” could be our magical password.
At any point in our heated discussions, we both should automatically stop when anyone speaks out this statement. The pride should immediately come out of the picture and the honor to rise up.
The sentence is supposed to make us come again to our senses and remind us that we’re more than those useless battles where pride reigns.
8. Please be patient. The power of focus!
I could be the most impatient man you’d ever met,
I’ll be patient with you, but please be more patient with me.
For sure there would be times you’d feel that we’re going nowhere.
Honey, the universal law of harvest tells us we reap what we sow, but never did it say we reap it right away.
So at times that seem so boring, realize that the fruit is yet to come. Focus on the fruit instead on the pests.
Oh well, this is just my observation – most relationships last not because it has the guy that can handle the temper and rage of the girl, but because it has a woman that can stand her man until the end.
This is not to justify nor defend the bad habits of man. But we can get the most from something or someone only if we hang or hold on it until the end.
So at any point that the picture becomes blurred, have faith that everything will be fine in the end.
There’s no perfect relationship at the end of the dAY. It’s how we’ll compromise that will make it or not.
Give and take plus an open communication with an open mind.
9. I need you - The power of choice!
I need you and that means I need the COMPLETE you.
I need you with your weaknesses. I need you with your helplessness. And more importantly, I need you with your choice.
God has given you free will from the time He created you, and I will never ever act bigger than Him to steal it from you.
From the beginning, everything will be meaningless if it doesn’t come from our own free will and just pushed by an external factor in any form. If you think of it, everything actually stems from from the same commitment.
So again, I need you with your choice. Funny but serious. Light but committed.
10. Lastly, don’t bother to change yourself just to put up with any of the written above.
The power of YOU!
Take them not as strict guidelines but as my faithful promise for you and as constant reminders for me.
Stick this into your mind and ponder into your heart:
You as a woman have your beauty and strength in your own right. Your man should be destined to honor it, and make you always feel safe, connected and valued.
You must be fully accepted without judgment, without any care about your past.
As for me, just be who you are, the woman I loved, and you’ll not just be my next girlfriend, but with God’s grace, also my last. Twing!
All right! There you go.
I guess that's all for now.
Thank you for spending your precious time reading this note.
I wish you tremendous success and true happiness, and I look forward to meeting you in person soon (though I have a strong feeling you’ve been there around me HAHA).
Challenging you to make me feel lonely once again.
Take care,
Romer Tawid.
PS
The love I’m talking above should not make us our own god, and should always have a room for a messiah who hung on a cross. This point is reserved for a separate note for my further reflection. J
